My Nightmare
by mc.hearts.ak
Summary: heero has been having dreams that make him cry out. but they are so vivid. could they be momories of a past he had forgotten?
1. And so it starts

Disclaimer- Sorry no own Gundam Wing  
  
"I don't know what's worth fighting for."  
  
Heero Yuy awoke to a scream inside his dreams. He wasn't sure who was screaming but he knew it was from his dream. He got out of bed and stared out his window. He knew that the scream was from someone he knew from long ago. He sighed and continued to watch the normal people from his window. He then turned around and walked to his bed. He stared at it. The scream kept replaying over and over in his mind. What or who was it? He didn't know. He glanced at the clock; it read 10:00 a.m. "Crap." He whispered to himself. He woke up late. He quickly got dressed and ran to grab his keys. He heard the scream replay in his mind again. He winced at hearing it. Then he quickly went out the door.  
He looked at his watch and sighed. He was supposed to meet Trowa and Duo to do some research. When he finally arrived at the library Duo was waving his long braid around in announce. Trowa was sitting on the steps thinking deep thoughts. Heero parked and got out of his car. "Well, its about freakin' time!" Duo said in his greeting to Heero. "Glad you could make it Heero." Trowa said calmly. Heero nodded in Trowa's direction. The three men went inside the library. Duo immediately went to look at some books, while Heero and Trowa lingered looking for a computer. When they found what they we're looking for, they sat down and started looking around. Heero couldn't keep his mind on what he was supposed to do. Trowa noticed," Heero, you seem distracted. May I ask why?" Heero sighed and stopped typing. "Trowa, do you dream much?" Trowa was taken aback from such a question. "I dream from time to time.why?" Trowa said. "I had a dream last night. I think it's from my past. It was a scream. Someone familiar was screaming." The scream replayed in Heero's mind. "Was the scream saying anything?" Heero didn't realize it before but the scream did say something.I don't know what's worth fighting for.Heero nodded. "What was it?" Trowa asked. "I don't know what's worth fighting for." Heero said. Trowa thought of what Heero just said. 'I don't know what's worth fighting for.' was something that Heero could relate to. He was a mystery. No records of parents, relatives, even a real name. Trowa knew soldiers raised Heero.but how can he have absolutely no past? He couldn't have just appeared. "Hey! Are you guy's ready to leave? I'm hungry and bored!!" Duo's voice broke into Trowa's deep thoughts. "Your already done Duo?" Trowa asked. "Of course! I don't like reading." Heero sighed and got up from his computer and said," I'm a little hungry too, I haven't eaten breakfast yet." "Great!!!! Let's go eat!" Duo said happily.  
On the way to the restaurant Trowa engaged into another deep thought session. Topic: Heero Yuy.  
  
Heero Yuy, a.k.a "The Perfect Solider" Age: 18 Gender: Male Ethnicity: Japanese Origin: Colony LaGrange Point 1 Family: Unknown Height: 156 cm Weight: 45 kg Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Brown Was this all that was known of this mysterious man? Or was there more to his dark past then even he knew of? Heero is a mysterious person yet; it's hard to believe he is actually a person at all. The Perfect Solider. Is it because he's almost emotionless? Heero Yuy. That's not even your birth given name is it? Who are you really?! Are you really a machine? Heero. Who are you?!!  
"Trowa!" Duo had once again interrupted Trowa's deep thoughts. He sighed in announce," What is it Duo?" "What do you want to eat?" Duo asked. "Oh I'll have a burger."  
After getting food and dropping off Trowa and Duo, Heero retreated to his bed. He sighed and thought to himself. Why did this dream torture him so? He has heard screams before, but this one scared him. He thought and thought. Until he fell asleep. "I don't know what's worth fighting for! I don't to be the one the battles always choose. Because inside I realize I'm the one confused." A young boy started to yell, "I'll never fight again!" He shook his head in disgust at all of the men carrying guns. He screamed. A man came to him and put his hand on his head and said," Grow up to be a great man my son." The young boy cried. He didn't know why his father had to leave. Why he had to fight. Why? He asked. He wanted to know. But he knew something was coming. He knew it would change him forever. He screamed at the question his father asked him before he left," I don't know what's worth fighting for!!!!"  
Heero woke up sweating with fear again. His dream was more intense this time. He knew it was from his past. He felt it in bones. He got up and went to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror. He saw that he wasn't sweating, he was crying in his sleep. He never cried before. He was trained to be emotionless. He sighed and splashed some water on his face. He then went to his room to check what time it was. 1:00 a.m. "I slept that long?" He said to himself. He sighed and tried to go back to bed. He tossed and turned and twitched. He opened his eyes and couldn't sleep. "Damn." He whispered. He knew that this dream and problem would nag at him until he solved this mystery. A phone ring startled him. "Who the hell would be calling at this time?" he asked aloud. He picked up the phone," Hello?" "Heero?" a woman's voice asked. "Relena?" Heero was surprised. She never called him and he never called her. "Heero, I don't mean to bother you but I wanted to tell you something." Heero shook his head and said," What in the world could you need to tell me, at 1 o'clock in the morning?!" Relena hesitated a few minutes before she answered," I.I." Heero wasn't in the mood to hear a pleading cry from a princess. So he hung up on her before she could even answer. "What is with that girl? She always acts as if I owe her something, god!" Heero groaned and fell into his bed. He closed his eyes and then slowly opened them again. He stared at the ceiling and couldn't help but think that the boy in his dream was himself. He thought this because the boy had the same features as him and he thought of what the boy said. I don't know what's worth fighting for. Why did this statement that the boy seemed to be crying appeal to him so? What was it about the boy in his dream that made him want to just hold the boy in comfort? (A/N: not yaoi father/son ya sick minded freaks!) What was is it? He closed his eyes and thought again. He deep thoughts quickly became his dreams.  
The young boy ran to his home to find his family slaughtered. His eyes filled up with tears. He fell to his knees and wept. "Why?" he asked aloud. "WHY?! Why my family? Why my mother? Why my little sister? Why them? Why not me?!" he asked. The boy's tears were uncontrollable. He couldn't stop crying. Then he heard boots behind him. He turned around to find a tall man looking down at him. "You alone boy?" The man asked. The boy stared at the man. "Are you deaf boy? Or are ya a mute?" The boy said in a quiet trembling voice," I am alone." The man nodded and said," Come on boy. Come with me." The young boy hesitated for a minute but he then put out both his arms for a hug and the man picked him up. The young boy looked over the man's shoulder and said," I love you. Good bye."  
Heero slowly opened his eyes. He glanced at the clock. It was 3:30 p.m. He sighed and buried his head in his pillow. He then heard a loud rumble come from his stomach. He sighed and got up from the bed and went to his kitchen. He looked inside his refrigerator to find nothing. He rolled his eyes and dug into his pockets. 5 bucks. Just enough for a burger, a coke, and some fries, he thought to himself. He slipped on his shoes and messed with his hair and went out the door. On his way to the restaurant he started to think about his dream again. And Relena's strange midnight call. "Man, I sleep late for one day and the whole world goes nuts!" he muttered to himself. He sighed once again and flipped on the radio. Blah, blah, blah. Was all that he could make out. "Ok no music then." He stopped at a red light and looked at the normal people. A little was sitting on a bench eating a ice cream with her mother next to her messing with her hair. He then went to the restaurant and ordered his food and went home. He sat at his table and started eating. Then the phone rang. He sighed and picked up the phone," Hello.?" "Well what do ya know?! He's awake! Hey there Heero." It was Duo. "Duo? What do you want?" Duo hesitated before he answered," Its about.Relena." Heero remembered her midnight call. "What's wrong.?"  
  
A/N: AAAAHHH! *faints* *wakes up* hello! *sighs* well how do ya like huh? huhuhuhuh? Pretty plz R&R!!!!! Later 


	2. Its starts to sting as it starts to swel...

Disclaimer- Darnit, Lea, I don't own Gundam Wing! If I did Duo would be.aww never mind.  
  
"Heero?" Duo asked. Heero shook his head to rid himself of guilt," What? Uh, what's wrong with Relena?"  
"Well, she, she " he sighed and took a deep breath before answering.  
"She knows something about your past."  
Heero's eyes went wide. Relena's nervous voice replayed in his mind.  
"What does she know?" Heero asked trembling at the thought that she knows more about him than he does himself.  
Duo sighed and said," She knows that you had a family that was slaughtered in one of the major wars. I think that's all she knows." Heero closed his eyes and thought. How could she know? I really should thank her though. Any information is good.  
"Heero?" Duo cut in his thoughts.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm sorry." Duo said sighing.  
"Why are you sorry?"  
"Because, nobody deserves to not have a past.or a home." Heero was taken aback at how powerful his words hit him.  
"Well I got to go, later." Duo said.  
"Hey Duo, thanks."  
"Hey, no problem."  
"Later."  
"Later dude." Heero hung-up with Duo and continued to eat his hamburger. He couldn't help but feel bad that he yelled at Relena when she was trying to help. He didn't know her number because he never called her. He yawned. He was still sleepy. He wrapped up the rest of his burger and went to bed.  
The man took the boy to a camp full of soldiers. He put the boy down and went to talk to some other men. The young boy looked around at his new surroundings. He hated the men. They're killers, he thought. The man who took him was walking towards him with a bowl of soup. "You hungry boy?" He asked. The boy looked up the man and nodded. The man handed the boy a spoon and the bowl of soup. As the boy ate the man studied him. (A/N: again! Not yaoi!!!) He has brown hair that was about to his ears. His eyes were a dark blue. "Hey boy, when was the last time you had a hair cut?" The boy looked at the man and shrugged. The man sighed and then said," My name's Odin Lowe. I can't keep callin' you boy so what's your name?" The boy looked at the man, "I don't know."  
Heero woke up with a start. Another nightmare. At least that's what they felt like. Odin, he thought. I know that name. He got up and glanced at the clock again. 11:19 p.m. "Again?" He asked himself. He kept sleeping late. He went to his living room and sighed. Odin Lowe. He thought. I know you. You, his eyes widened. Odin Lowe was the soldier that he spent his childhood with. "Are these dreams my past.?" He asked aloud. He half expected a voice to come out of nowhere and yell yes. But no one answered his question. But he knew. He knew that it was his past. Countless thoughts ran through his head. He knew that the boy was him. He doesn't know what's worth fighting for. He was a alien to love and other feelings. He knew Relena liked him but, he was still foreign to any feelings. He ran out of the house and ran. Ran away from it. "Who am I?!" He yelled as the wind slapped him in the face. He ran and ran. He started to cry. They started to sting as they ran down his face. He ran until he reached a lake in the middle of a park. He stopped and stared at the half moon and tried to catch his breath. He walked to the edge of the lake and sat. He continued to stare at the moon. It was half full. Just like his heart. "Who am I?" he whispered to himself. He looked down and the tears started to fall.  
  
A/N: yay!!! I'm done! I'm done!!! Or just with the second chapter! Will ya review for me? What did ya think? Is it ok? Oky day...later. I want a burger, oh, uh later. 


	3. I have no Name

Disclaimer-Once again, I wish I did but I don't own Gundam Wing! Ah! I just realized I need to say I don't own Linkin Park either because on song inspired me to write this and I'm excusing my absence of this on the first chapter. (wow that was a lot!)  
  
Heero stayed at the park for the rest of the night. He couldn't help but cry. He felt so empty. He eventually decided to just walk around. He looked at the 'normal people' as he called them. To him, everyone was a normal person except him. He didn't know why he felt foreign around everyone.  
  
He walked until he reached his apartment. He walked in and stood in his living room. He stared at the cold hard walls. He felt spellbound. Unable to move. He took in a deep breath and retreated to his bed.  
  
The man shook his head.  
  
"Man boy, you have to have a name. Everyone has a name." The man called Odin told the boy.  
  
"Well I'm not everyone." The boy told the man.  
  
"A smart mouth eh?" The man said.  
  
The man hit the boy across the face. The boy looked at the man in surprise clutching his cheek.  
  
"If your gonna be here you have to learn respect." Odin said.  
  
The boy stared at the man and nodded.  
  
Odin sighed and said," Well, you do need a name.I know, I'll call you Heero. Heero Yuy is your name from now on. How does that sound?" The boy nodded in agreement.  
  
Heero woke up crying again.  
  
"Odin." Heero whispered. Now he remembered who this man in his dreams was. Odin Lowe. The man he spent his childhood with.  
  
A/N: AHHHHH! I need more ideas! Crappers. Oh thankie to all of those who r&r ed. Anywho, if you got any good ideas e-mail me. Geeze three chapters in three days, I'm burnt. Ok I'll try my best to hurry and update. Once again thanks. Later 


	4. The demons within me

Disclaimer- Crap, I wish I did, but I don't own Gundam Wing.curses. Oh yeah, just in case I put a line of a Linkin Park's lyric's I don't own them.I might not put any but ya know just in case.  
  
A/N: Hooray for Linkin Park! Yes! I was just inspired to write a new chapter!!!! YAY!!! Sha baby I'm back on a roll! My flame has just been relit. Yep, and because I gave you a very short chapter last time I'm gonna make this one really long! Sha baby! Enjoy!!  
  
Odin. Damn him, Heero thought. He was the man who taught him how to be this emotionless drone that he is today. But it wasn't all that bad. He was like a father to him. But, Heero felt that it was hard to forgive him for turning him into the man he was today.  
  
"Damn him. Damn him to hell!!!" Heero screamed aloud.  
  
But inside Heero knew that he loved Odin like a father. He was the only family besides Wing Zero that he ever knew of. Yet he couldn't help but wonder, who was his real family? He knew Heero Yuy was the name Odin gave him. And he was grateful. But, now knowing that he did have a family awoke a longing inside him. What was his real name? And who was he? Really?  
  
He went to the restroom and stared at the mirror. He thought back, back to the mission that clamed Odin's life.  
  
Heero was staring into space. He saw his reflection.  
  
"."  
  
"Whatcha looking at.?" Odin asked walking up to him.  
  
Heero didn't answer.  
  
"The void of space.which took everything away from you? Or.your own image a face without a name.?"  
  
That's what Heero felt like now. A face without a name. Odin's words cut deeply into his heart. It was weird but Odin always knew how Heero really felt. Heero stared into his cold blue eyes. He was hoping to find something. Nothing in particular, just something. Something to let him know that he wasn't alone. But he found nothing of such sort. Just this man, no, this machine that stared back at him with cold, lifeless eyes. Heero sighed and splashed some water on his face.  
  
He avoided his bed. He didn't want to be plunged into his dark past through his dreams. He sat in his living room changing positions every five minutes.  
  
"Crap." He said aloud.  
  
He finally just laid down on the couch. He didn't notice how sleepy he was. He drifted off. He dreamt about the last mission he and Odin had together.  
  
Heero turned around and looked at Odin asking him, "Why.did you come to this colony?"  
  
Odin started to walk away saying, "To abandon you."  
  
Heero and Odin went to the waiting room in the airport. (which was deserted) Odin started to take out his violin from his suitcase.  
  
"Soon, there'll be a coup d'etat here. You'll take advantage of the confusion to settle down at this colony. You know how. I've taught you everything you need to survive." Odin said.  
  
Heero took out his gun and pointed it at Odin.  
  
"And." Heero said cocking his gun, "Who are you going to kill this time?"  
  
Odin took out his gun under the violin and replied, "Septem, of the alliance space force. This'll be my last job. So you should go to school and live a normal life."  
  
Heero glared, "I'll decide what I'm going to do."  
  
Odin smirked at Heero's remark.  
  
Heero awoke surprised that he remembered everything of that day so vividly. He hadn't thought of that day in so long. Odin, he thought. Why did you have to go and get yourself killed? I need to know. Who am I? He started to feel empty. He started to feel like he did before he ever met any of the other gundam pilots. He felt cold and alone.  
  
He remembered something that someone long ago told him, "Your not a person or a machine. You're just a body with no soul. Just a thing that walks around imposing as a human being. You'll never be anything but, a soulless shell."  
  
Heero grimaced at the remark he remembered. But it was true. Heero was cold, and killed on command. No regrets. No emotions about if the person had a family to feed. Or even that person was just born. He was a killer. Just like the soldiers he hated so much. Those cold hearted bastards. He had become one of them. But he was worse. Much worse. Unlike them, he didn't have a conscious. If he did he never listened to it. Either that or he'd drown it out with the screams of his victims.  
  
Ever since he learned how to shoot a gun, he has cherished it. The power he felt. The revenge he felt he could achieve. But when Odin taught him, he became the thing he hated the most. He took what he hated and made it a part of him. Creating this monster that he hated to acknowledge as himself. He hated the way he killed with out a worry or even with a second thought. He hated the soldiers so much because they killed his family.and yet he made himself the Perfect Soldier. The best soldier ever. He hated how he allowed himself to become this monster. This thing that had no soul.  
  
'Why?' He asked himself countless times. 'Why was it that I aloud myself to become this thing. This Soldier that I wish I could destroy? Why did I continue to wake up every day? Why? I have no reason to live. I have no family, no love, no one to love me. I just have myself.'  
  
His thoughts started to become vivid images. Images of all the faces and lives he smeared with blood. Even his own life he has smeared. He could have a life with Relena.No. He was a monster, he would only hurt her. He tried to learn to love but he just didn't know how. It was all alien to him. An unknown feeling that made him want to die.  
  
He'd often catch himself think thoughts of having a life with Relena. A happy life. With love and no killing. But Relena's a pacifist. She lived for peace while Heero.was the complete opposite. He had an urge in him to kill. To start a war. To have blood shed near him if was not the cause of it. He didn't know when this urge in him was born but he knew it was around the time that he first met Odin. When he first learned the meaning of revenge.  
  
Revenge. That's what he really wanted. Or so he thought. Was it just revenge? Or was it really an urge to cause such pain? Did he really want everyone to know how it's like to have blood smearing their lives? Or has not yet dealt with his inner demons?  
  
Yes, it is those things that fill his dreams with nightmares. Oh yes, those laughing, snickering, conniving things that make him feel hopeless. He still runs from his inner demons. He hates to face them.  
  
"You coward!" He would yell to himself.  
  
I was true too. He was a coward. He was too afraid to face them. To rid himself of these things that torture him so. He often thought of ending it all. Just making his heart stop. To end this endless pain of loneliness. He reaches for the knife from time to time but can never do it. He stops. Hoping someone would run in and hold him in their arms.  
  
Cooing into his ears, "Everything's going to be alright."  
  
But his salvation never comes. He just sits on the floor looking at the knife, then to his wrists.  
  
"Should I?",He would ask himself.  
'Is it the right thing to do?' he would wonder.  
'Would the world be a better place? The people would not have to fear of their blood, and the blood of their children in my hands?'  
  
A/N:I think I'm gonna erase this chapter if no one likes it and redo it. Yeah. Thats what I'm gonna do! But,...I have a feeling I'm gonna get alot of flames about this stupid chapter. Oh yeah, I feel the heat already. I see it now, 'Its too depressing!!' I know it. I already got a little burn from GreenShadow saying it did'nt seem like the Heero we all know and love. So sad. I dunno what do you think? I know what your gonna say," It sucks! Booo!' If GreenShadow dose'nt like it then...oh bleh. -thelilchibi Raye 


	5. As the wounds start to close

Disclaimer- No own Gundam Wing  
  
A/N: Hello one and all! Well I'm really glad you all liked my last chapter. Oh a Buma thanks for the tips. Even though it did feel like a flame at first.huh, oh well. But here ya go should this be the last chapter? Tell me. Review and tell me.  
  
The next morning Heero started a normal day for once. He woke up at 6:00 a.m. Made some coffee, read the paper, and watched the news. The news and paper seemed to be repeating themselves. Nothing but horrific tragedies in them. He sighed and turned on some music. Yet, something tugged at him.  
  
He left the house around 11 to met with Trowa and Duo at the library again. This time he actually got some work done. A lot of work actually. Trowa noticed again his change. He was working like he used to now.  
  
Trowa looked at Heero and said, "Are we feeling better now?"  
  
Heero gave Trowa a puzzled look then realized what he meant and said, "Oh um, yeah much better."  
  
Once again Duo was hungry after his 5-minute trip to the books. So we all know what happened then.  
  
Once Heero got home he was still bugged about something. He sat down at his table eating, wondering.  
  
"Should I call Relena?" he asked his hamburger.  
  
He half expected an answer but knew better. He thought about Odin again.  
  
"Always listen to your emotions."  
  
Heero's eyes widened at remembering Odin's words.  
  
My emotions only got me self destructed, he thought.  
  
But he thought deeper about Odin. He was just like a father. Yeah, that's it.  
  
"That's who Odin is. Odin Lowe is my adoptive father. Yeah." he said aloud.  
  
He put his hamburger down and ran to his room. He rampaged in his closet to find a small box. In it were pictures. There was one particular picture he was looking for. He picked it up.  
  
There stood an 8yr old boy with brown hair, and blue eyes smiling happily with an older man behind him with blonde hair, smiling with a gun in his hand.  
  
"Odin." Heero said aloud.  
  
He rampaged through some frames and found one that fit just right. He put the picture on his nightstand and looked at it.  
  
He stared into Odin's eyes.  
  
"Always follow your emotions."  
  
Heero smiled and grabbed the phone.  
  
He looked in the phone book and found Relena's number. He dialed and waited.  
  
Ring, Ring, Ring.  
  
"Hello?" Relena answered.  
  
"Hey." Heero said.  
  
"Heero?!" Relena said with a state of shock.  
  
"Yeah, I wanted to apologize for being a jerk the other day. And I want us to get together and get to know each other a little better."  
  
"Oh, Oh! Um, its ok and I would love too."  
  
"So, how have you been?" Heero asked.  
  
I'm not a monster, I am a solider, but I'm a human being too. Thank you Odin, dad. Heero thought.  
  
-End  
  
HELLLLOOOOO! Hey there! Well this is the last chapter. That it is! Oh yeah. Its over. It made GreenShadow cry. HAHAHA FEAR ME THE ALL MIGHTY lilchibi RAYE! Muwhahahahaha! Ok never mind on that, but review plz..and thanks for all of you who read and reviewed!  
  
-Later. 


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